The Makeover

I woke up this morning
Threw back covers and drudged from my bed
Out of all the things I see when the day first starts
Myself is the last
As I look into the toothpaste splattered mirror
God. I need to clean that
Pulling my hair back
Pushing It forward again
Smiling
Frowning
Pouting
Turning side to side
Pupils dead ahead
And sleep nestled into the corners or my eyes
Dark marks and black heads
A seeming mess of things
I huff in resolve that I am simply not enough

A little primp will do
Foundation to cover large pores
Tweezers to tame wild brows
Blush to awaken my cheeks
Lipstick
Wait, that’s too much
Lipgloss instead
Eyeshadow and eyeliner
Careful to curve the wings just right
earrings to adorn the lobes of my elfish ears
Pearls?
No, hoops instead
New evidence for a new case
And the verdict
I still am not enough

Maybe my hair
So I dive into dying
Blonde
Red
Brown
Black
I wear my Fro
I straighten
I curl
I shave it
Grow it back
Downright fight it
Pony tail
High bun
Shave it again
Weave it
Wig it
Wear it down
Wear myself out
To simply decide
I am still not enough

I wear the latest fashion
Name brand clothes
Discouraging price tags
Who has the money for this?
Maybe retro instead
Vintage
Hand-me downs
Thrift stores
Loose
Fitted
Cropped
Maxi
Skinny jeans that hug
Hug what, I don’t know
God, I could use some ass
V necks
Bodycon but no body
Sandals
High heels
Jewelry to match
The outfits could stand alone
Because I’m still not enough

I woke up this morning
And decided against changing my makeup
My hair
My outfit
Instead, I pulled at the string at the crown of my head
Tugged and tugged until I began to unravel
From the scalp
To the shoulders
Arm to arm
Spiraling into my belly button
And curving around my hips
The string splits at the thighs
Wish bone wiring
And as I work down to the toes of one leg
Struggling to undo the double stitching of the nails
I slowly begin to unhinge the frayed fringe of the other
Until I look into the mirror and I am nothing of myself any longer
Unable to be another yet I still choose not to be me
In this state I am no one
Yet I finally feel that I am enough

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