Has your brain ever felt extremely heavy? Its like you’re thinking too much and you just really don’t have a way to “relieve” yourself. That’s how I feel right now. So I’m just going to do this little random post to help me lose some brain weight…
I think a lot in pictures. I struggle with words that correlate with my thoughts. I’m currently listening to Yiruma and I’m just visualizing a person kneeling with their hands out and palm up. Flowers are blooming out of the open palms. All different colors. Sometimes in just black and white. The wind blows and the petals float from the stems and into the air.
When I’m feeling extremely detached I think of water. Pools of water, or puddles or water. Sometimes its raining and each droplet is magnified.
I feel a lot of things that I don’t feel comfortable speaking to someone about. I can tell a perfect stranger that I feel very lost and adrift, but I can never come out and tell my close acquaintances. I never mind if someone ups and messages me online to say how they feel. I understand the appeal. I’m surprisingly not judgemental because I’m too sensitive to be judgmental lol sometimes when you tell someone you know a personal feeling or thought it feels like how they feel about you changes. A stranger has no preconceived beliefs about you. Its harder for them to judge you.
I have popular friends but I’ve never been popular. That’s just how its always been. I’m easily forgotten.
I think I’ve been so caught up with disappointment in not getting things I used to want that now a days I just don’t want anything. I have no future plans. I have no ultimate end game or desire. People ask what I want and I just want to live. I want to have a reason. I don’t really want anything material except but to share it with those around me. I mostly want things I can’t touch.
I want to travel. I envision myself walking around with and taking pictures. Seeing with my eyes and my hands. Touching flowers and trees. Watching sunsets. Looking over canyons. Staring into the night sky.
I hate sleeping in beds. I’m currently sleeping on the floor next to my bed. I don’t have a particular reason. Which reminds me that I can sleep anywhere. I’ve fallen asleep in my trunk, on the floor, on the roof, on the concrete…..